Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
