does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
