The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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