butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
