Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
