you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
