Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
