I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
