i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
