He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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