It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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