Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
