We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
