everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
