areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
