dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We just shotgunned beers for America
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
