so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
