I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize