I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
