my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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