Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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