Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
