hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
