took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
