I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
