Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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