she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
