Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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