Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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