it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
