hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
