Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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