when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize