a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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