In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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