why didn't you poke me back
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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