my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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