been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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