Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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