he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
