you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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