I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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