whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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