My girlfriend figured out who you are.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize