My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
