I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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