The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
