I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
