Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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