Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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