dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He has the fingertips of a God
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