So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We left the knife in your bed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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