So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize