I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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