Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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