I'm lost and stupid without you.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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