and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
