idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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