I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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