she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
