suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
