It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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