i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
