I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
