i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
