there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
