You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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