I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
