You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
