end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
