I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
