if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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