Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
