There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
