i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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