People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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