I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
