But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
