Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize