btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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