i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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