Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
two words...techno handjob
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
