I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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