the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
